New beginnings: reinventing yourself after heartbreak

Heartbreaks are extremely difficult to deal with.

As much as anyone can try to convince you that things are okay and you’ll be fine, the pain you experience in the moment can make you feel like you’ll never heal and feel whole again.

There’s no medicine for heartbreaks. There is no quick and easy way to fix or minimize the hurt.

Putting the pieces of you broken heart together again and reinventing yourself is a process. It’s not something you can heal overnight, but there is a way forward, and that’s the hope you can cling onto for now.

What you  are experiencing right now, athough normal, won’t last forever. You can move onto another chapter of your life and reinvent yourself, if you commit to being your own best friend and helping yourself grow from this.

In this piece, I’ll share a couple of strategies you can use to move on from heartbreak, and experience a new beginning in your life.

Forgive yourself and your ex-partner

 “Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve the peace” – Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Forgiveness isn’t easy, especially when you’ve been wronged and the pain is still fresh, but it’s an important step to take if you want to move on with your life.

Holding grudges is unhealthy for your mental state, gossiping with others about your ex will only make you revisit painful memories, and this will stand in the way between you and your progress.

If you want to free your heart from the pain it’s feeling and your mind from the bad memories, make a conscious decision to forgive your ex-partner. Remember that you’re doing this for you and your well-being, not them.

At the same time, it’s important to practise self-forgiveness too. Every heartbreak is different and can happen for various reasons. Right now, you might be consumed with self-doubt, guilt and remorse. You have to try and let that go or else it’ll be difficult for you to start anew.

What’s happened is in the past and even if you feel the loss of this relationship is a failure on your part, use this as a lesson.

 

Start taking care of yourself

After a heartbreak, it’s easy to fall into a depressive state that makes you lose control over yourself and your life. This is normal, you’re in pain and you have no idea how to pick up the pieces and move on.

A good way to start is by looking after yourself and you can do this in several ways, here are some ideas:

  • Reconnect with some friends and family members you haven’t seen or spoken to in a while.
  • Take up a new passion or hobby (baking, art, gardening, DIY, volunteering etc)
  • Look after your physical health by getting into a good exercise routine that you enjoy. Also, be mindful about what you eat. Taking care of your body is a great way to feel good about yourself.
  • Take up a new practice that could benefit your mental health such as reading books on personal development.
  • Create a productive morning routine that’ll help you start your day right and feel good.
  • Practise self-love by implenting some of the tips mentioned here into your daily routine.

 

Be mindful about what you’re looking at on social media

Social media has its benefits, but it can also be an anxiety-inducing environment.

Everyone is always posting pictures of their seemingly perfect lives, and this can really take its toll on your self confidence if you start comparing yourself to them.

If you’re dealing with a heartbreak, the last thing you need to see are cute pictures of couples on your feed. So consider unfollowing some accounts, or take a break from social media completely.

This will free your mind and give you time to focus on yourself instead and on your journey towards reinventing yourself, focusing on you is what you should do.

If you choose to stay on social media, consider following some pages that give tips on managing your mental health and working on your personal development. That way, your feed will be filled with inspiring and helpful posts.

Change something about your life

This change could be anything: getting a new hair colour or cut, changing your wardrobe and buying new clothes you love, even changing your living space by redecorating.

Changing something about yourself or your life is a good way of reinventing yourself. You’re letting go of the old, and replacing it with something fresh and new that makes you happy.

If you’re not sure about what you’d like to do or where to start, I suggest making a vision board. You can do this by sticking a bunch of pictures on a piece of cardboard or canvas that represent what you’d like to achieve in life.

Start with the easier, more achievable things then move on to the daring ones. This will keep your mind off the past. Instead, your intention will be on what you can change in the present to make your goals work out for the future.

Release judgements you have about yourself

After a heartbreak, you might be plagued with self doubt and negative opinions you have about yourself.

You run through old arguments and wonder where you went wrong, and wish you could go back in the past and fix things. It’s okay to apologize and recognize you made some mistakes if that’s how you feel, but remember to put a full stop on that chapter of your life once you’ve left your partner.

There’s no point in judging your past self and what you did then, your only focus should be on what you can become now.

If you left a toxic relationship this is even more importance to practice. Toxic relationships are mentally draining and can take a long time to heal from. If you were abused or used to being spoken to as if you were always at fault, this toxic cycle might still be part of your life now.

You might find yourself repeating some of these toxic patterns like judging yourself and using negative self talk. It’s important to notice when you’re doing this, and put a stop to it straight away.

Put a full stop on that chapter of your life

You might be tempted to see what your ex partner is doing how they’ve moved on by asking their friends or even searching about them on social media. As tempting as this is, it’s not a good idea.

Remember, this will be a set back on your journey towards personal growth. It might even cause feelings of resentment and jealousy to brew, and your heart deserves to be spared of these emotions if you’re trying to reinvent yourself.

As difficult and tempting as it might be to go back, force yourself to only look and move forward. This will make the healing process much easier, especially once you ignore these thoughts and temptations at the beginning.

Final thoughts

 You might be feeling pretty lost and defeated right now, and this is understandable. During dark moments like these, it’s difficult to see past your pain, but there is a way out and things can get better for you.

If you’d like  one-to-one advice and personal guidance on how you can reinvent yourself after a heartbreak, you can check out my coaching services here http://lifecoachingwithnarriman.co.za/love-and-relationships/

You don’t have to be hung up in the past, you deserve to be happy and lead a life you love.

Picture a beautiful, ideal image of what you’d like your life to be like a year from now and where you see yourself. Do you believe you can make it happen? Ofcourse you can! And I can help you on your journey.

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